| TECHNOLOGY |
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Yelp Unveils Hipster Density Map
Already being compared to discovery of
penicillin, other historic breakthroughs. |
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| SPORTS |
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Oakland A's Want to Move to San Jose
From no there there to somewhere no one knows the way to. |
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First Major League Umpire Let Go
Due to Drug Violation
League officials became suspicious when his
tosses back to pitchers were clocked in the mid-90s. |
|
 Consultant Hired to
Come Up With Less Offensive Name for Washington
Redskins
Like Virginia Redskins, Maryland Redskins. |
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| PUBLISHING |
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“Shitstorm” Added to Leading
German Dictionary
Causing shitstorm of controversy among
nation's top academics. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Study: Women More Likely to Be Ripped
Off on Auto Repairs
95% of men ripped off; 97% of women. |
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Comcast to Offer Light Bulbs That Can
Be Dimmed by Smartphone App
In case you'd rather die than get up and
use the dimmer. |
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| TRAVEL |
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Paris Distributes Manual: How to
Not Be Rude to Tourists
City said to be littered with torn, discarded copies. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Chestnut Breaks
Own Hot Dog-Eating Record
Says he'll spend his $100,000 prize on Tums. |
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