Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 8 - 14, 2013
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PEOPLE
J-Lo, After Singing “Happy Birthday” to Him, Says She Didn't Realize Leader of Turkmenistan a Brutal Dictator
Shaken, she continues tour, entertaining leaders of Zimbabwe and North Korea.
 
MEDIA
Tape of Rupert Murdoch Admitting Bribing Officials Goes Viral
Now he's frantically trying to contact each of the estimated 15 million who've listened to it and buy their silence.
 
BUSINESS
Revealed: Insiders Pay to Get Consumer Sentiment Index 2 Seconds Before Everyone Else
So they can be first on Twitter with a wisecrack.
State of California Going After JPMorganChase for Running a “Massive Debt Collection Mill”
Sent thugs to collect from little old ladies, then hid money in the Caymans.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Group Asks Pepsi, Coke to Remove Known Carcinogen From Beverages
“But people love their 4-methylimidazole,” says industry spokesman.
Italian Scientist Says We're
Close to Transplanting a
Human Head

Leaves it to courts to decide if head owns body or body owns head.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Obama's New Limo to Have Heavy Armor, Blood Bank, Night Vision
And pair of furry dice hanging from rear-view mirror.
 
CORRECTION
 
In a recent article with the headline, “Queen Elizabeth's Horse Wins Ascot For First Time in 209 Years” the photo accompanying the article was mistakenly identified as Queen Elizabeth when it was actually Queen Elizabeth's horse. Our apologies to Queen Elizabeth and her horse.

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