| PEOPLE |
 |
 Hillary
Clinton Says She's Done With Politics
Makes tearful farewell address at gathering of
Hillary '16, her new super PAC. |
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| |
| MEDIA |
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Report: Sarah Palin Paid $15.85 Per
Word in Two Years on Fox News
When she asked for $16.50 they fired her. |
|
New York Times Reveals It's
Been Under Attack by Chinese
Hackers for Last 4 Months
Apologizes for inscrutable crossword puzzles. |
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Fox News Ratings Hit 12-Year Low
Part of decline in scripted comedy vs. reality programming. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
 Dolce & Gabbana
to Launch New Fragrance for Babies
Eau de Merde available soon at fine stores everywhere. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
 Company
Can Make 3D Personalized Pez
Dispensers of Your Own Head
Minimum order 1000. |
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Toyota to Pay $1.1 Billion to Settle Some
Sudden Acceleration Suits
Also, vehicles will no longer be allowed to make
driving decisions without driver’s consent. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Report: Heat Rising Up From Cities
Affects Climate Patterns Far Away
A barbecue in Houston can cause typhoons in
southeast Asia. |
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Report: Cats Kill 3.7 Billion Birds,
20.7 Billion Mammals Annually
But if cats were outlawed, only outlaws
would have cats. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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England Announces It
Won't Sell Forests
To the great relief of Robin Hood. |
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