| PEOPLE |
 |
 Ryan Voted
Biggest Brown-Noser in High School
Unlike Romney, who was voted Biggest Bully. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Gitmo Prisoners Reportedly Big Fans of
“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”
Many learned to love show after being forced to watch
it constantly, without sleep or food. |
|
 Porn
Star Jenna Jameson Pleads Guilty to DUI
Apparently endorsed Romney while intoxicated. |
|
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Ryan Promises to Eliminate Deficit By
Closing Unnamed Loopholes
Same loopholes Romney used in last ten
years of undisclosed tax returns. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
CO2 Emissions in U.S.
Drop to 20-Year Low
Not including CO2 released by massive
wildfires resulting from global warming
caused by previous emissions. |
|
India Plans 2013 Mission to Mars
200 yogis will project selves across astral
plane, explore planet, return to their bodies. |
|
Mutant Butterflies Discovered Near
Damaged Fukushima Nuclear Plant
“They're beautiful!” says plant spokesman. |
| |
 Big Surprise:
Google Earth Satellite Photos
Reveal More Pyramids
Bigger Surprise: Google “street view” reveals
thousands of visitors. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Medicare “Donut Hole”
Not Tied to Heart Deaths
Actual donuts, however, are. |
|
