NEW PRODUCTS |
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An
Amphibious Bicycle?
Or an inflatable raft with
pedals, you be the judge, but
this innovative form of
transportation won't cost a lot.
Developed by ballplayers fleeing
Cuba, it's $99 at all Surf 'n'
Turf Hubby Shops. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Tree
That Grows Buddha-Shaped Pears
Chopped Down
Owner replacing it with Marilyn
Monroe-shaped apples. |
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TECHNOLOGY |
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More Simultaneously Watch
TV, Use Internet
Text, eat, masturbate while driving. |
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SPORTS |
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Court Ruling Could Weaken
Leagues' Anti-Doping Rules
And fill more seats. |
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Stadiums
Warned to Watch for
Terrorists
Disguised as sports fans. |
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FEATURE |
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The Defund ACORN Act is: |
A ) | unintentionally
hilarious in that it also
may defund big military
contractors. |
B ) | unintentionally
progressive for the same
reason. |
C ) | unintentionally
educational because its still a bill of
attainder, which you vaguely recall from
college is unconstitutional, but dont have any idea
why. |
Hint: this
is what Google is for. |
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FASHION |
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Big Hair is
Back!
Airlines, cinemas brace
for problems. |
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POLL |
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62% of Americans Under Fifty
Oppose Sending More Troops to
Afghanistan; 52% of Those Fifty and
Over Support It
Only 1 in 10,000 from either group can
spell Afghanistan and find it on a map. |
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