| PEOPLE |
 |
 Franken “Wins”
Pending Legal Challenge
Coleman sends old Franken videos to
Supreme Court justices. |
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Former
Attorney General Gonzales
Writing White House
Memoir
Working title: I
Can't Recall. |
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| INTERNET |
|
Latest Plague: Personalized Spam
Which is why you get those Viagra ads. |
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Serious Browser Flaw Puts
All E-Commerce at Peril
Public advised to buy pornography in
person until flaw is fixed. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
 Yugo Ends Production
Leaves GM, Ford, Chrysler as only remaining
makers of clunkers. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Study: Nearly Everyone Can
Carry a Tune
Except while listening to music on
headphones. |
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Theory: Diamonds Formed 12,900 Years
Ago Indicate Meteor Impact
Ending Age of Mammoths, beginning Age of Bling. |
| |
 Black Hole Found in Our Galaxy
At site of last Hadron Collider. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Report: Teenagers Who Take
Abstinence Vows Just as
Likely to Have Sex
As teenagers who take promiscuity vows. |
|
Overthinking May Slow Onset
Of Dementia
Constantly thinking about dementia could prevent it entirely. |
|
Study: Obese Kids Have Arteries of 45-Year-Olds
Conclusion: 15 is the new 45. |
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