| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Mattel
Debuts Jewel-Encrusted $140,000
Hot Wheels Car
Limited edition toy will be sold
only until the fall of Western
civilization. |
|
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
UN Report: Ocean Recovery
From Warming Damage Will
Take a Million Years
“Only the blink of an eye in cosmic
time,” it concludes. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Florida to Allow Use of Word
“Evolution” in School Texts
Breakthrough could eventually lead to
students walking upright. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| Last week,
due to a production error, we
mistakenly quoted GOP
presidential hopeful John McCain
as saying, "I hope to avoid
him like the plague." In
fact, his actual statement was,
"I welcome the President's
endorsement." We apologize
for any confusion. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The relationship between
Senator John McCain and
the top lobbyist who
represented corporate
interests for whom McCain
did political favors was: |
| A ) | sexual. |
| B ) | romantic but
not sexual. |
| C ) | really
friendly but neither
sexual nor romantic. |
| D ) | just your
routine, everyday quid pro quo,
you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours kind of thing. |
| Hint:
backscratching
doesn’t have to be
sexual or romantic. |
|
|
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Baseball: Spring Training
Opens
Ballplayers stretch, jog, apologize. |
|
Survey: More Americans
Giving Up Golf
To caddy. |
|
