| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Finally,
a Swiss Army Knife for You!
At last, a Swiss Army Knife with
all the features you need: file,
corkscrew, fish scaler, scissors,
toothpick, magnifying glass,
screwdriver, phillips head
screwdriver, awl, pen, pencil,
pencil sharpener, nose hair
cutter, mp3 player, flashlight
and 244 other handy tools and
implements. Not included: a
knife. $329 at all Enough Already
stores. |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Your Number On Do-Not-Call
List Could Be Expiring
You’ll be informed how to renew by
phone call during dinner. |
|
 Rare
Copy of Magna Carta to Be Sold at
Auction
Only interested bidders so far:
detainees at Gitmo. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| According to the
Washington Post, hundreds
of radiation portal
monitors currently
deployed by DHS at ports
and border crossings
often cannot distinguish
between nuclear devices
and: |
| |
A ) | glow-in-the-dark watches |
| |
B ) | dental equipment |
| |
C ) | cat litter |
| |
Hint: Meeeeeow! |
|
|
|
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Bush Promises To Reduce
Air Traffic Delays
For corporate jets. |
| |
| CAMPAIGN '08 |
|
Clinton Proposes Giving Every U.S.
Newborn $5000 to Invest for College
At which time money could be used to host
lavish off-campus keggers. |
|
