| EDUCATION |
 |
 94-Year-Old
Australian Woman Becomes
Oldest to Earn Masters
Degree
Took seventy years to get
her final thesis
("Why Pluto
Shouldn't Be Considered a
Planet") accepted. |
|
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Forest Service to Sell Carbon
Offsets to Individuals
Fifty bucks and you can buy that Hummer,
feel good about it. |
| |
| CONSUMER NEWS |
 |
|
Wal-Mart to
Carry Faith-Based Bible
Action Figures
Shown: Samson sodomizing
Goliath. |
|
|
 Production of
Swiss Army Knife May Be
Outsourced to China
Fork would be replaced by
chopsticks. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Republican
President Bush,
Republican Senator
Coleman and Republican
Governor Pawlenty of
Minnesota appeared
together to express
sympathy for the victims
of the Minneapolis bridge
collapse, and to suggest
that money to rebuild our
nation’s
infrastructure ought to
have been provided by: |
| A ) | federal and state
government |
| B ) | the
Milky Way Interplanetary
Council |
| C ) | the
Tooth Fairy |
| Hint: If the Tooth
Fairy can’t find the
money for this, she has
her priorities wrong. |
|
|
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Manchester United Signs
Nine-Year-Old
Hopes talented youngster's good enough to
be sold for millions late in his career
to some unsuspecting minor league club in
America. |
|
