| ART |
 |
 New Evidence:
When Portrait Painted,
Mona Lisa Had Just Given
Birth to Second Son
And somebody else was
taking care of him. |
|
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Bush's Own Church Holds
Week of War Protests
Pastor calls him “the devil.” |
|
Entire Bible Now Available on Cellphones
Useful for reading of last rites after fatal car crash. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Saints Make Triumphant Return
to New Orleans Superdome
Defeat Falcons despite hundreds of
evacuees still living there. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| Last week
we erroneously hailed "the
amicable settling of differences
between Hamid Karzai and Pervez
Musharraf." The line should
have read, "the amicable
settling of differences between
Britney Spears and Christina
Aguilera." We apologize for
any confusion. |
|
|
| POLITICS |
 |
| Monday: |
Be afraid. |
| Tuesday: |
We're protecting you. |
| Wednesday: |
Be very afraid. |
| Thursday: |
Thank God we're
protecting you. |
| Friday: |
Red alert: panic! |
| Saturday: |
We foiled new terror plot
just in time, details
classified. |
| Sunday: |
Democrats soft on
terrorism. |
| Next Week: |
Same as Above. |
|
|
|
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Report: Federal "Reading First" Program Awash In
Favoritism, Conflicts-Of-Interest, Mismanagement
Will now be known as Reading Last program. |
|
Private Online Tutoring For
U.S. Kids Outsourced To India
Finally: hope for American education. |
| |
| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Congress Gives
President Power to Detain, Torture Anyone
For as Long as He Likes
And there's nothing you can do about
it. |
|
