| PEOPLE |
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Bono Releases
Photo of Himself With
George Bush
U2 lead singer says he
has his picture taken
with “lots of
people,” doesn't
mean he knows them all. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Western Union Ends Telegram
Service
Business had been off a bit since end of
World War II. |
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Good News: Dell to Hire 5,000
Bad news: in India. |
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| WEATHER |
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La Niña Returns
And all of a sudden El Niño
"disappears," points out one
critic with raised eyebrow. |
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| ART |
|
 Metropolitan
Returns Euphronios Krater
To Italy, Admits It Was
Probably Looted
Other objects in Gotti
Wing may also have to be
sent back. |
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| IRONIC
TIMES EXCLUSIVE |
Behavior
Warning, G.W. Bush, 4th
Grade
January 25, 1955
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bush,
It pains me to have to
report that ever since
George was elected 4th
Grade Hall Monitor, his
behavior has been out of
control. Despite repeated
warnings from teachers
and staff and the clearly
posted rules of the
school, George has
insisted he has the right
to spy on the girls'
bathroom and abuse
smaller children. We
found several second
graders locked in the
broom closet, all of them
severely beaten! We are
still searching for
little Susan Roosevelt,
who is not related to
FDR, whatever George may
think, and he
refuses to tell us what
he has done with her.
Please explain to him
that even if she were
related to FDR, he does
not have the right to
kidnap her, and that
being 4th Grade Hall
Monitor does not give him
the right to ignore
school rules!
Sincerely,
Constance Brooks,
Vice Principal |
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