| FEATURE |
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| As a matter of
basic fairness, which
Supreme Court nominees
are entitled to an up or
down vote on the floor of
the U.S. Senate? |
| A ) | All
nominees with the letter
“o” in their
names |
| B ) | All
nominees on a hush-hush assignment for the
Strategic Air Command protecting
Earth from the Klingons. |
| C ) | Only
nominees acceptable to the
party in control of Congress. |
| Hint: Don't throw
away your coat hangers,
they could come in handy! |
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| FACTOID |
 |
Poll: 78% Believe in Life
After Death
They account for 94% of all speeding
tickets. |
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| SPORTS |
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Baseball: Phillies Sign
Rightfielder
Bats right, throws
right, sides with management
on all labor issues. |
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As I said in my Almagest,
which was well accepted
for almost fifteen
hundred years, the
motions of the planets
can be explained by
careful observations and
complex mathematical
formulas based on the
principle that the earth
is at the center of the
universe. But then
so-called
"scientists"
came along and now I just
don't get any respect.
But thank Zeus, things
are starting to change.
As for evolution, I
really don't have a dog
in that fight, but I like
the direction we're
headed: backward. Soon as
we discredit this Darwin
fellow, Newton (who said
some pretty ugly things
about me by the way)
will be next, then
Galileo and Copernicus
and bingo! I'll be back
in the pink! So Zeus be
with the Kansas and
Pennsylvania school
boards! I certainly am. |
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