| RELIGION |
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Neuroscientists
Discover Buddhists
Happier
But Christians, Jews,
Muslims confident God
will punish them for it. |
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| MILESTONES |
|
Wisconsin Man Eats
Record-Breaking 20,000th Big Mac
Then undergoes record-breaking twentieth
heart bypass operation. |
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| SPORTS |
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Good News: Olympics
Facilities Ready
Bad news: they're in Beijing. |
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Lithuania
Wins Dinosaur Egg Toss
Maintains lead at
Jurassic Games. |
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Rules Change:
NBA to Allow
Fire-Breathing Defense
But only in the final two
minutes of each half. |
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| BOOKS |
Best-Selling Reissues
of 2004
1. No Exit, by
Jean-Paul Sartre, new
translation by Donald
Rumsfeld
2. Prisoner Without
a Name, Cell Without a
Number, by Jacobo
Timmerman, new
introduction by Major General
Geoffrey Miller
3. The Gulag
Archipelago, by
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, updated
by Paul Wolfowitz
4. The Charge of
the Light Brigade,
by Alfred Lord Tennyson,
new verses by G.W. Bush
as told to Judith Miller
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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National Society of
Grammarians Rejects Changes
“If it ain't broke, don't
fix it,” says spokesperson. |
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| ART |
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Mona Lisa
Showing Signs of Age
Once intriguing,
enigmatic, she now
appears cranky, subject
to unpredictable
outbursts. |
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