| TELEVISION |
 |
 “America's
Greatest Legs”
Debuts To Solid Ratings
Show wins timeslot, but
trails “America's Greatest
Breasts” in desirable
18-to-35-year-old male demographic. |
|
| |
| ADVERTISING |
|
Companies, Angered by
“Nipplegate,” Talk of
Boycotting CBS
Makers of Viagra, Levitra, Cialis may take
their business elsewhere. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Westinghouse TVs, Bell & Howell
Shavers Bring Familiar Brand
Names to New Products
Coming soon: Sara Lee power drills,
Goodyear frozen dinners, Hebrew National
lawnmowers. |
|
Despite Mad Cow Scare,
McDonald's Sales Rise in 4th Quarter
National panic brought more risk takers,
daredevils and the suicidal into
their restaurants. |
|
 Halliburton
Launches PR Campaign to
Counter Charges Of
Profiteering
Board of directors
(above) met recently to
discuss strategy. |
|
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| HEALTH/MEDICINE |
|
UK: Toddlers Not Exercising Enough
Step aerobics, personal trainers, fitness machines,
and weekly testing recommended. |
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Spirit, Opportunity Rovers to
Battle it Out on Mars
Match will be shown on Spike. |
| |
Study: Baboons,
Humans Have Similar
Complex Relationships
Baboon researchers
(above) observed human
behavior over a five-year
period before reaching
their conclusions. |
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|
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| PUBLISHING |
|
Top 10 Periodicals Under
Scrutiny By White House
Office of Holy Matrimony
1. Modern Adultery
2. Homewreckers World
3. National Nymphomaniac
4. Philanderers' Digest
5. Cheating Today
6. Wandering Eye
7. Promiscuous Week
8. Wifeswappers Weekly
9. Deadbeat Dad
10. Sluts Illustrated |
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