page one PAGE TWO – AUGUST 4-10, 2003 page three ALSO IN THE NEWS Constitution Released to Public Redacted sections relate to national security, says White House.   BUSINESS Potent Growth Report Signals Virile U.S. Economy Led by sales of impotence drugs. McDonald's to Introduce Robotic Burger Flipper Meant to delight customers, slash 50,000 jobs.   SPECIAL FEATURE TRENDS Latest Theory: Traffic Congestion Good Indicates vital economy, say experts, who arrive late to press conference.   SCIENCE Female Japanese Quail With Sex Experience Watch Males Fight, Choose Losers Over Winners Better lovers, say experienced birds, plus they come pre-beaten. 2000-Year-Old Cosmetics Case Unearthed in London After careful study it will be returned to Joan Collins. Latest Government Job Postings   Government Agency   Job Description     White House Office of Science & Technology Assessment   Cook science data to support current policies     Office of Management & Budget   Twist numbers to back up phony budget projections     Environmental Protection Agency   Bury environmental impact studies to greenlight development projects     Justice Department   Invent reasons to circumvent Bill of Rights     Department of Education   Divert attention from program cuts, write speeches about leaving no child behind   FRONT PAGE PAGE TWO PAGE THREE ARCHIVE CONTACT STORE  ©  Copyright 2003 Ironic Times