Ironic Times

 NO. 89 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 27 - JUNE 2, 2002 

May 20
June 3
 
CHENEY SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDS SUBPOENA
Lieberman threatens hiring crane operator.
 
WORLD NEWS
Gerald Ford to Visit Cuba
On vacation, to play golf.
 
EDUCATION
CDC: 7% of U.S. Kids Have
Attention Deficit Disorder

Percentage of adults with ADD even larger than whatever it was for kids.
 
WAR ON TERROR
New Security Measures in Place Around Capitol
Reacting to "chatter" of possible attack by rogue elephant.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
India, Pakistan at War
Nuclear annihilation inevitable.
U. S. NEWS
White House Admits Far
Greater Contact With Enron
Than Previously Disclosed

But not nearly as much as it will be forced to admit to later.
State Dept. Correction: Iran, Not Iraq, Biggest Supporter of Terrorism
Mistake was "a typo."
CIA Boasts More Spies Than at
Any Time in History

And most of them are on our side.
 
REMINDER
  You’re the only person who has
  never read Moby Dick.
 
Rumsfeld: Terrorists Will
"Definitely" Acquire Nukes

Therefore, we might as well be the ones to sell them to them.
Feds Hope to Make it Harder to Obtain False ID
More red tape, higher prices, confusing instructions among steps considered.
Los Angeles to Vote on San Fernando Valley Secession Bid in November
New city would be called "Not Los Angeles."
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