PEOPLE |
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Bill Gates
Discards "Nerd"
Tag
Wants to be referred to
as an "aristocratic
twit" from now on. |
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SPORTS |
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Spring Training Opens
Pitchers, catchers reported;
Rookie Haiku shines. |
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Prediction of
Extraterrestrials Visiting Olympics
Doesn't Pan Out
Phoenix woman's claim of alien
delegation arriving on the evening of
Feb. 21 is off by fourteen-and-a-half
hours. |
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Tyson Granted Boxing License
In Washington, D.C.
Will fight Lennox Lewis on floor of
Senate during campaign finance
filibuster. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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All of Los Angeles to
Read One Book
Entire population will tackle Good
Night Moon. |
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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First Cloned Elk Shown to Public
"A few bugs" still
need to be ironed out. |
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YOUR HOROSCOPE |
For the week
February 25 - March 3 |
Aquarius,
January 20-February 18
You'll win the lottery, $43 million before taxes. |
Pisces,
February 19-March 20
You'll win the lottery, $43 million before taxes, but your winning ticket
will be challenged and you will face charges of forgery. |
Aries,
March 21-April 19
You'll fall in love with a badminton player from Mongolia. |
Taurus,
April 20-May 20
Despondent over a failed relationship, you'll move to
Mongolia and take up badminton,
but become disillusioned and return home, only to find love. |
Gemini,
May 21-June 21
You'll sell all your Enron, K-Mart and Global Crossing
stock certificates on
eBay, but when the companies rebound you'll
miss out on a fortune. |
Cancer,
June 22-July 22
Your bid for Olympic gold will fall short when someone else bids higher. |
Leo,
July 23-August 22
You will be detained at the airport for not wearing any clothes. |
Virgo,
August 23-September 22
Your first movie will be received with less
than enthusiastic reviews, but then,
who reads reviews of X-rated films? |
Libra,
September 23-October 22
This is a good week to cut down on your glue-sniffing and
get out more often. |
Scorpio,
October 23-November 21
If you've got any soft money laying around, now would be a
good time to distribute it. |
Sagittarius,
November 22-December
21
Pretend to be totally surprised when you're drawn into the Enron mess. |
Capricorn,
December 22-January 19
Watch out for mile-wide asteroids, and be courteous to your waitress. |
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