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Ironic Times

NO. 63 "Expect the Ironic" NOV. 26 - DEC. 2, 2001

Nov 19
Dec 3
 
NEW AFGHAN GOVERNMENT WILL REQUIRE STRONG LEADER
Most favor Rufus T. Firefly (right), former President of Freedonia.
WORLD NEWS
Milosevic Charged With Genocide
Wants to plead guilty to lesser charge of mass murder.
Northern Alliance Changing
Name to Unified Front

“Has a better ring to it,” explains Afghan media consultant.
France Will Deploy Aircraft Carrier
Will serve as “floating boulevard” for American, British troops, with boutiques, cafés, rude waiters.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
BUSH REFUSES TO PARDON TURKEY
Execution will proceed as scheduled.
U. S. NEWS
Rumsfeld: $25 Million Reward
If You Find Bin Laden

Bin Laden: $50 million reward if you don't.
Shoppers Hit Stores in
Record Numbers

No buying, just petty theft, shoplifting.
National Spelling Bee Ends in Melee
Fighting breaks out when contestant can't spell “melee.”
 
INSIDE
10 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN
 
Immigrants Flee Oppressive
Regimes in Search of Freedom,
Rights, Due Process

Leaving U.S. in droves.
 
LAW
Alan Dershowitz: Torture May Be
Cruel, But Not That Unusual

Constitutional ban is against cruel and unusual punishment, he notes.
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