IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR
AGAIN
Scholars return to college. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Disney Rumored to Be Opening
Theme Park in Beijing
Goofy holds press conference, declares
that he is “most definitely not a
dog.” |
|
Greenspan Confident About
Future
Makes statement before boarding flight
for Brazil, where he will live. |
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Flooz.com Purchased by
Floozies.com
Hussies, sluts, wenches, strumpets now
available with gift certificates. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Ping-Pong Channel Calls It Quits
Failure blamed on sluggish sales of
wide-screen TV's. |
|
 Las
Vegas Luring Overweight to Gambling Mecca
Casinos tailoring shows to
“wide ride” crowd, fastest-growing
population segment. |
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| HIGH
TECH |
|
New Pentium 4 Chip
Fastest Ever
Can process 10 dot-com
bankruptcies in a nanosecond. |
| |
| SUMMER
READING QUIZ |
| |
| George W. Bush
was just one of thousands
of Americans who took Pulitzer Prize-
winning historian David McCullough's
biography of John Adams with them on
vacation. For those who read it, here's a
short quiz: |
| |
| Adams's most influential writing was: |
| A) “Thoughts on Government” |
| B) “Dissertation on the Canon and Feudal Law” |
| C) “A Defense of the Constitutions of the
Government of the United States of
America” |
| |
Special question for the President only:
John Adams was: |
| A) A smart guy who lived a long time ago |
| B) Some kind of apple |
| C) This froufrou Yankee beer |
| |
hint: answer is not B) or C)
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