Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 11 - 17, 2024
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TRAVEL
American Airlines Testing
Technology That Signals When Passenger Cuts in Line at Gate

Trap door opens, offender slides down chute, winds up outside terminal on sidewalk.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Good News: Humans Consume
Up to a Credit Card's Worth
of Plastic Every Week

Effectively removing petroleum-based carbon products from environment, permanently sequestering them in our bodies.
 
LAW
Trump, Following Supreme
Court Decision, Will Be
Free to Order Seal Team
Six to Assassinate Biden

Or, vice versa.
 
SPORTS
Australia: Raygun Retires From Competitive Breaking After Olympics Fiasco
Will wait for call from “Dancing With the Stars.”
FEATURE
According to Harper's Index, what percentage of American adults think they have an idea that could make them rich?
   A )  10%  
   B )  15%  
   C )  20%  
   D )  33%  
Hint: for every Manny and Moe who says no, there's a Jack.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Being Forgetful May Actually Be Beneficial to Your Health
Like forgetting this study.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Painting by AI-Powered Robot Sells for $1.1 Million
Humanoid named Ai-Da (shown) has female features, welcomes human attention, but goes "a bit overboard" at gallery opening and has to be carried out.

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