TECHNOLOGY |
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Marines Test
Robot Dog Armed With Rocket Launcher
It's still an unreliable battlefield weapon,
due to squirrels. |
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OpenAI Declares Its Core
Value to Build Safe, Beneficial
Artificial Intelligence
Not evil, world-destroying artificial
intelligence like its competitors. |
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LABOR |
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Actors Told Not to Wear
Halloween Costumes
Promoting Current Films
No more Mr. Nice Guy,
announces SAG-AFTRA president Fran Drescher. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Several Amish Shunned by Their
Community When Nationwide
Alert Reveals They Have Phones
Not to mention they've been sexting
for money, trading in bitcoins. |
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FEATURE |
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According to the Pentagon,
what percentage of American
soldiers are overweight? |
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A ) |
10% |
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B ) |
15% |
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C ) |
20% |
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D ) |
70% |
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Hint: an army marches on its
stomach, but come on. |
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RELIGION |
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Church in Texas Uses
AI-Generated Sermon
Compares God to Santa Claus, tells
worshipers to grow up. |
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ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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Price of Girl
Scout Cookies Going Up
Price-gouging little monsters,
accuses one consumer group. |
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