| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 San Francisco
May Deploy Robots That Kill
After robots take forty hours of
sensitivity training. |
|
|
Musk: Neuralink Will Allow
Humans to Control Computers
With Their Minds
“I will make the mouse extinct,”
he declares. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
World Cup: Colonial Powers
Hold Strong
England beats Senegal; Netherlands beats
former colony, New Amsterdam. |
| |
| BREAKING NEWS |
|
Trump Calls for “Termination”
of Constitution and His Reinstatement as President
Biden agrees, as does every member of
Congress, and Trump is quickly whisked
to the White House, sworn in, and served
a nice cold Diet Coke, with a straw. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| In a recent poll of U.S. residents,
what percentage said they keep a
weapon in their car when they drive? |
| |
A ) |
5% |
|
| |
B ) |
10% |
|
| |
C ) |
15% |
|
| |
D ) |
65% |
|
| Hint: don't give the old
lady who just cut you off the finger. |
|
|
|
| |
| LAW |
|
Trump Org Defense Team
Claims Trump Clueless
About Tax Fraud
“He's practically brain dead, he
don't know nothin',” they state
in their closing argument. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Merriam-Webster Word
of the Year: “Gaslighting”
Barely beats out “gas prices.” |
|
