| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 |
| |
Tattoos That Fade in a Year!
Everyone today has at least one tattoo,
and 94% of all tattoos are regretted
within twelve months, according to The
Duh Institute. Now you can get a tattoo
that lasts only as long as most
relationships, but your significant
other doesn't have to know that. It'll
start to fade when the romance does,
or your money back. Price: variable,
at Rent-a-Tat. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Researchers: Gossip Can
Be Good For You
As long as it's juicy and salacious. |
|
Optimist Club International
Reports 9% Drop in
Membership Last Year
Many leaving to join doomsday cults. |
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
AI Could Soon Crack
Interspecies Communication
It won't be long before you get a text
message, “TIME FOR MY WALK!” |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| What percentage of Trump voters
feel more loyal to Trump than to
the Republican Party? |
| |
A ) |
11% |
|
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B ) |
22% |
|
| |
C ) |
33% |
|
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D ) |
54% |
|
| Hint: they even like Don Jr. |
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|
| |
| CENSUS |
|
Population Grew at Second
Slowest Rate in History
Meanwhile, we got shorter, fatter,
and poorer. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Chinese Entrepreneur Selling
Donald Trump Buddha Statues
Laments orders have declined
since recent BOGO sale began. |
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