Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APR 26 - MAY 2, 2021
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NEW PRODUCTS
Apple's New AirTag Helps You Find Your Keys and So Much More!
Keep one in your wallet, another in your car, another attached to your laptop, another in the drawer where you keep all the other AirTags. Great for artificial limbs! $29 for one, but you'll need about thirty of them, so do the math. Available at Scatterbrains, Sixes and Sevens, or directly from Apple.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Consumer Reports Road Test
Reveals: Teslas Can Self-Drive
With Nobody in the Driver's Seat

It's the first car recommended for crash test dummies.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
France: 15 Volunteers Emerge
From 40 Days in Cave for
Isolation Study

They all desperately missed seeing their friends and family on Zoom.
 
P0LL
Two Thirds Say They Want
To Work Remotely Full-Time
After Pandemic

Remaining third say they'll go in once a week if they can bring their guns.
FEATURE
The latest annual World Happiness Report is topped by Finland, Denmark, Switzerland, and Iceland. Where did the United States rank?
   A )  5th  
   B )  6th  
   C )  7th  
   D )  19th  
Hint: hey, we beat out Rwanda, Zimbabwe, and Afghanistan.
 
WORLD NEWS
Kim Jong Un Calls North
Korea's Current Economic
Crisis “Worst Ever”

Says he hasn't had a lobster in over a week.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Dogecoin's $50 Billion Valuation Makes It Bigger Than Ford, Kraft
For a rock solid financial future, encourage your children to invest in prank cryptocurrencies.

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