| PEOPLE |
 |
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Jerry Falwell
Jr Apologizes for Photo on Yacht
With Young Woman
“I was merely |
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helping her find Jesus,” he
explains. |
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| MEDIA |
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Facebook Removes Trump
Post Containing Misleading
Information About Coronavirus
He claims it's good for you and will
add ten years to your life. |
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| BUSINESS |
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G.D.P. Collapse Worst in History
Fed Chairman Powell spotted sifting
through dumpster. |
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U.S. Moves Up on Bloomberg's
Misery Index to No. 25, Worse
Than Russia, Mexico
But still better than a whole bunch
of third world countries. |
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| REAL ESTATE |
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New York Realtors Stop Using
“Master Bedroom” Due to
Racial, Sexist Overtones
Refer to it now as “that place you fall
asleep watching TV every night.” |
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| SCIENCE |
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Scientists Agree Human
Brain Does Not Work Like
a Computer
Works more like a pinball machine
that occasionally tilts. |
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 Origin of
Stonehenge Rocks Determined
They were transported to their
current location from a nearby
prop house that provides movie
backdrops. |
|
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 SpaceX's
Prototype Mars Rocket Flies
for First Time
Next test will carry 400 passengers
desperate to get off this planet. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Report: U.S. Only Affluent
Country Unable to Deal
Effectively With Pandemic
“It's just good old American
exceptionalism,” responds White
House. |
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