| PEOPLE |
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 Report: Commerce
Secretary Ross Keeps Falling
Asleep in Meetings
He came up with census citizenship
question in his sleep. |
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Bernard Madoff Asks Trump to Reduce
His Prison Sentence
Promises to let him in on the ground floor
of his next Ponzi scheme. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
 Woodstock 50
Festival Happening, But in Maryland,
Not Woodstock
At an assisted living facility. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
 Pampers Unveils
“Smart” Diapers That Remotely
Monitor Everything
Instantly sends text to your cellphone:
“You've got poop.” |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Study Finds Gorillas Developing
Humanlike Social Structure
With chest-beaters ruling over deep thinkers. |
|
 Researchers:
Earth Headed for Major Heating
Event Within Five Generations
Based on this picture. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
 Study: Cricket
Juice Healthier Than Orange Juice
And just think of the money you'll save. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
|
 UN: Europe's Heat
Wave Could Melt Greenland's Ice Sheet,
Cause Sea Rise of 23 Feet
Much of humanity, Mar-a-Lago, and six of Trump's
seven golf courses would be underwater. |
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