| TECHNOLOGY |
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Robot Finishes First in World's
Ugliest Dog Contest
Angry owners of ugly live dogs claim it's a
dancing table and not a dog at all. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Lindsey Graham: Wall a “Metaphor
for Border Security”
Lindsey Graham an anagram for Angrily Shamed. |
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| FACTOID |
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In 2010, Undocumented Workers
Paid $12 Billion in Social Security
Taxes, Received No Benefits
Unless you count benefits of doing backbreaking
work for minimum wage inhaling deadly pesticides,
constantly in fear of being torn from your family
and deported. |
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| TRAVEL |
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Passenger Arrested for Groping
Woman on Flight, Says Trump
Said “It's OK”
“I didn't say it's always okay,” says Trump. |
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| FEATURE |
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Outgoing Message
of the Week
Hello, you have reached the Department of the Interior.
Due to the shutdown of the government, no one is
available to take your call. If you are calling to report
a flood, you should seriously consider building an ark.
The dimensions for your ark are available in the Bible,
in the Book of Genesis. If the flood you are reporting
is expected to last 40 days and 40 nights, you should
take with you two of every animal you can find, one
male and one female, to ensure the survival of the
species. Regarding sanitation aboard your ark: improvise.
And don't forget to take a few doves, to help determine
if and when the waters have receded. Thank you for
calling the Department of the Interior. And Happy New
Year! |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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Trump Holds Cabinet Meeting With
Poster of Himself on Table
Every Cabinet member buys one. |
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