Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 12 - 18, 2018
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TECHNOLOGY
California: First Burger- Flipping Robot Begins Work
Guy it replaced at large, considered armed and dangerous.
Report: Geek Squad Turning Customer Data Over to FBI
Genius Bar likely front for CIA.
Elon Musk to Begin Sending Spaceships to Mars Next Year
Hopes to sell Teslas to Klingons.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Researcher: Annotations in Early Historical Book's Section on Danish King Hamlet May Have Been Made by Shakespeare Himself
“To steal, or not to steal, that is the question,” he writes in margin.
Trump to Consider Elephant Trophy Imports on “Case-By-Case” Basis
Will apply same protocol to trophy wife imports.
CONSUMER NEWS
Pizza Hut Replaces Papa John's as Official Pizza of NFL
And Rolaids replaces Tums as official antacid.
Glass Ceiling Broken at Last
Johnnie Walker Scotch introduces Jane Walker.
 
INVESTIGATIONS
Manafort Now Wearing Two
GPS-Tracking Bracelets

And they're fully coordinated with his designer suits.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
132-Year-Old Message in a Bottle Discovered in Australia
It reads, simply, “Dispose of properly.”

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