| TECHNOLOGY |
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Robots Can Now Exercise Like Humans
Soon you'll send your robot to the gym while
you stay home and watch the game. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Mattel Cuts 70 Staffers
But company has high hopes for You’re Fired, Barbie. |
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| EDUCATION |
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More Colleges Add BDSM
(Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) Clubs
They replace ROTC. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 A Donald Trump Chia Pet!
If you run out right now you might still be able
to find one of these. Industry analysts predict it
will be the most discarded gift of the holiday
season. $8.95 at every Chia Pet Surplus Store. |
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| FEATURE |
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| Citing the North Korean threat,
Donald Trump is moving to vastly expand the $40
Billion Missile Defense System that doesn't work.
Why is he doing this? |
| A ) | To keep his base happy. |
| B ) | To rattle his saber. |
| C ) | Because if it did
work, it would keep us safe. |
| Hint: Like his reason matters? |
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| TRENDS |
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More Prominent Men Step Down
After Accusations of Sexual Misconduct
Shunned, embarrassed, they head straight to Hooters. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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Boeing Secret Plane Revealed
No practical use, but it's built with parts from every state. |
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