| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 New Bar
in Las Vegas Features Robot Bartenders
And driverless designated drivers. |
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 Silicon Valley
Startup Employs Pizza-Making Robot
It's already made friends with the delivery drones. |
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| EDUCATION |
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Betsy DeVos Dumping College
Policies Proven Effective
After gathering as much bad advice as she could. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Drug Lance Armstrong Took
Proven Ineffective
He'll sue to get his money back. |
|
 Activists Upset
Washington Redskins Keeping Their Name
Native Americans upset they're keeping their quarterback. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| Disneyland will soon replace women being
put on an auction block in Pirates of the Caribbean ride.
What will be the replacement? |
| A ) | Women being
abducted by pirates to do their household chores. |
| B ) | Women being
chased down by pirates seeking their political opinions. |
| C ) | Women being
groped by a fat, rich, powerful bully. |
| Hint: with orange hair. |
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| MILESTONES |
|
25th Amendment Marks 50th Anniversary
Celebrations to include invoking it. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
 |
 Taco Bell
Marrying Couples in Las Vegas for $600
Fatburger offers quickie divorces for $295. |
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