| PEOPLE |
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New Edition
of Shakespeare Gives Christopher Marlowe
Partial Credit for Several Plays
Marlowe's descendants sue for $150 trillion
in royalties. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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NFL Hopes Fans will Return to Watching
Games After Election
Instead of taking up arms. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Good News: World Economic Forum
Predicts Gender Pay Gap Will End
Bad news: in 140 years. |
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AT&T Agrees to Buy Time
Warner for $85 Billion
Would return AT&T to “pre-breakup behemoth
that ruled all mankind,” according to deal memo. |
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 Arby's Offering
Venison Sandwich
And for kids, there's Bambi on a Bun. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Marijuana May Help
You See in the Dark
Like when the power goes out and you
can't find your stash. |
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Using Mathematical Formula,
Astronomers Find Messages
From 234 Alien Civilizations
All offering free rectal exams. |
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Amazon Obtains Patent for
Tiny Police Drones
They'll help police plant guns, drugs,
other evidence on suspects. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Women Drinking as
Much as Men
They've broken glass ceiling, probably in a brawl. |
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