NEW PRODUCTS |
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Breakthrough: Miracle Second Skin
Makes Wrinkles Disappear
Eighty is the new twenty. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Burning Man
to Offer Airplane Access
Applications now being accepted. |
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FACTOID |
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To Earn Bill Gates's Fortune Average
Person Would Have to Work for
1 Million Years.
Meanwhile, Gates would have to work for a quarter
of a second to make your fortune. |
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SPORTS |
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Highly Anticipated Madden 17 |
Released
This year's edition features ratings for every
player's risk of brain damage. |
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FEATURE |
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Congressional Republicans Decry
Multiple National Crises of Substance Abuse, Crumbling
Roads, Bridges, Spread of the Zika Virus, and Mental
Health; however they |
A ) | are still debating which crisis is
the highest priority. |
B ) | are still holding hearings to
seek experts’ advice on solutions. |
C ) | are still refusing to spend
any money to fix any of the crises. |
Hint: it might require raising taxes. |
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ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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100 Nude Women to Be
Photographed Outside GOP
Convention
By 5000 photographers. |
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