| PEOPLE |
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 As High School
Boy Cruz Memorized the Constitution
But, like algebra, he never uses it. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Sea World Announces It
Will Stop Breeding Killer
Whales in Captivity
Future Shamu shows will utilize
only volunteers. |
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| BUSINESS |
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More Tax Havens in
Delaware Than People
State blames declining birth rate. |
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 DOJ Shutters
Non-Existent “University of Northern New
Jersey” After Successful Sting
Received thousands of applications from former
students at Trump University. |
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 McDonald's
Trying Out Restaurants With No Tables, Chairs
Or employees. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
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 Company
Hopes Its Chewable Coffee Replaces
Real Thing
Same for their drinkable donut (not shown). |
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| SCIENCE |
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San Francisco Biotech
Company to Produce,
Sell Lab-Grown Shrimp
Ask your waiter what lab your shrimp comes from. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Study: Drilling in Oklahoma
May Lead to California-Sized
Earthquakes
With inevitable rise in seas, Oklahoma's
the new California. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Researchers: Improvement
In U.S. Life Spans Has
Reversed Due to Obesity
We’re not living as long, but we’re jollier. |
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| TRENDS |
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Worldwide Study: Despite
What Most Think, Promiscuity
Rate Close to 1 Percent
Most think it's everyone else but them. |
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