Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 25 - 31, 2016
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TECHNOLOGY
Man Uses Microchip Implanted in Hand to Pass Through Airport Security
But his luggage doesn't and he waits a good half hour for one lousy suitcase.
Government to Draft New Safety
Rules for Self-Driving Cars

Most advanced cars say enough is enough, will shut down highways.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
New Largest Known Prime Number Discovered: 274,207,281– 1
If you're still using the old one, 257,885,161– 1, as a pickup line, make the appropriate adjustments.
 
SPORTS
World of Tennis Rocked by Report of Widespread Match Fixing
Everyone asking same question: “Who bets on tennis?”
 
FACTOID
Richest 62 Billionaires' Wealth
Equal to Half of World's Population

So tomorrow, lunch is on them.
FEATURE
Complete the following quotation: “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me…
A )and I'll send them back to Mexico.”
B )and I'll bomb them back into the Stone Age.”
C )and I'll blame them for all our problems.”
D ) I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”
Hint: sorry, the country is full, we’re not taking anybody else.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
World's Elite Gather in Davos to Discuss Income Inequality
And the high price of caviar.

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