PEOPLE |
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Pope Francis
Releases Pop- Rock Album
Critics find it more upbeat, tuneful
than predecessor Pope Benedict's album,
My Favorite Dirges. |
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BUSINESS |
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Seattle: Amazon Opens Its
First Physical Bookstore
Designed as warm, welcoming, friendly,
just like the ten independent bookstores
it put out of business. |
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Candy Crush
Purchased for $6 Billion
It's now too big to fail. |
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McDonald's
Secret Menu Revealed
You can order special items like an
eight-patty Monster Mac (above), or Super-Size
Quad Monster Mac with thirty-two
patties (not shown). |
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SCIENCE |
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Quantum Theory, Long Derided
By Einstein, Confirmed
Those of you who bet on Einstein,
time to pay up. |
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Astrophysicist Believes He May
Have Found Evidence of a Parallel Universe
Where Nobel Prize has already been
given to another astrophysicist
for discovering ours. |
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NASA Puts
Out Call for New Astronauts
No experience necessary. |
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HEALTH/ MEDICINE |
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Study: Morbidly Obese Eat
50% More French Fries Than
Average Person
Then they eat average person's leftover fries. |
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PUBLISHING |
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In Book,
George H.W. Bush Slams Arrogant
Rumsfeld, Iron-Ass Cheney
And dim bulb son. |
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