| PEOPLE |
 |
 Book Accuses Brit PM David
Cameron of Committing Sex
Act With Dead Pig While At Oxford
Otherwise treats him favorably. |
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| MEDIA |
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Brian Williams, Back on MSNBC, Gets
First Assignment to Cover Pope
Will ask forgiveness for his sins in live
interview. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Volkswagen Admits to Diesel
Fraud in 11 Million Cars
Company must write “fahrvergnügen”
11 million times. |
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Walmart to Hire 60,000 Temp Workers
According to temp spokesperson. |
|
 Google Introduces New Logo
If you stare at it long enough you can
make out the word “Google.” |
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| SCIENCE |
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Evolutionary Biologist: Aliens
Will Look Like Humans
Except for the feathers. |
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Japanese Researchers Find
Certain Apes Can Remember
Plot Details From Movies
Like when that pale, hairless creature
sees the Statue of Liberty in ruins and
realizes he's actually on Earth. |
| |
 Super
“Blood Moon” Seen as
End Times by Some Mormons
Also some Christians, some Buddhists,
some Moslems, some Jews and some atheists. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: 10 More Trees on a
City Block Makes Residents
Feel 7 Years Younger
Works great, except if you’re 20. |
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| TRAVEL |
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56% of Americans Haven’t Taken a
Vacation in the Last 12 Months
Almost 50% haven't gotten up off
the couch. |
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