| PEOPLE |
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 Warren Buffett: “I Don’t See Smiles
on the Faces of People at Whole Foods”
Makes comment after Berkshire
Hathaway's purchase of Good Humor. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Studio Considers Greenlighting
Project Not Based on Comic Book
Hopes audience will accept characters
that lack superpowers. |
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| BUSINESS |
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NFL Gives Up Its Tax-Exempt Status
No longer America's official religion. |
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Audi, Amazon in Deal to Have
Packages Delivered by Drone
To Car's Trunk
Designed primarily for hostages with an Internet connection. |
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Anheuser-Busch Removes Bud
Light Slogan, “The Perfect Beer
For Removing 'No' From Your
Vocabulary For the Night”
Since corporations are legally persons, it is
arrested for rape. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Global Warming
Threatens 1 in 6 Species
Including global warming deniers. |
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 Amazon Launches
Own Rocket
Will eventually deliver books, clothing,
small appliances to space station. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Government to Allow Fluoride
Levels in Drinking Water to Drop
As it's already achieved its goal of
converting Americans to communism. |
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Study of Polygamists: More Wives
You Have, More Risk of Heart Disease
No wives, no risk. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Only 17% of Automobiles With
Safety Recalls Brought in For
Fixes, According to Reports
In Business Sections
Only 17% of newspaper readers read business
sections. |
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