| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 New Robot Mimics
Your Handwriting
It's the perfect gadget for the identity
thief who has everything. |
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Google to Stop Selling Google Glass
If you want to look like a dork and be
vilified by all you meet, you better hurry. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Milwaukee Brewers Offer $1000
Ticket for Any One Game, at Any
Time, Forever
Buyer can wait until team makes
playoffs, or when hell freezes over,
whichever comes first. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
|
 A Lamborghini Cellphone
With a $6000 Price Tag
Until they make one out of a Fabergé
egg, this will have to remain the height
of decadence, certain to impress
everyone who steals it. Price as
stated, at all 1% Only stores. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| What is the Promoting Job Growth
and Reducing Small Business Burdens Act? |
| A ) | Bill to promote job growth |
| B ) | Bill to reduce
small business burdens |
| C ) | Bill to allow
Wall Street cowboys to trade wildly in the same derivatives
that caused the Great Recession. |
| Hint: everything old is newspeak again. |
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| RELIGION |
|
Pope Says He'd Punch Anyone
Who Insulted His Mother
As Jesus often had to do. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Guy With Romney Tattoo Not
Supporting Him This Time
Not since he put Chris Christie's
face on his ass (not shown). |
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