| PEOPLE |
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 Rick Perry:
Running for President “Not an IQ
Test”
You just have to look smart. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
 |
Bob Dylan to Record Album
Of Frank Sinatra Hits
Comedy album will include “Chicago,”
“Love and Marriage,” “I Did It My Way.” |
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| BUSINESS |
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Toy-Related Injuries Have
Risen 40% Since 1990
Including those sustained during
Black Friday riots at Toys “R” Us. |
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Fewer Firms Plan Holiday
Parties in 2014
Some employees haven’t shown up for work
since embarrassing themselves at last year’s party. |
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 General Mills
Bringing Back French Toast Crunch
As American tastes shift to more fattening foods. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Rover Finds Evidence of
Lakes Once on Mars
No other explanation for snorkels,
bait shops. |
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 NASA Observes
Two Massive Stars About to Collide
Once they do, it's “every man for himself.” |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Regulators Estimate Consumers
Will Suffer Up to $5.27 Billion in “Lost
Pleasure” Because Restaurant
Menus List Calorie Counts
A fact that in and of itself compels
one to eat a dozen cronuts. |
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 Spending Bill
Adds White Potatoes to Gov't Nutritional Program
for Women, Infants, Children
Because everyone needs their minimum
daily requirement of starch. |
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