| PEOPLE |
 |
 Lady Gaga to Perform in Space
Before her fans. |
|
|
Scalia Says “Of Course” He Believes in
the Devil, Citing Bible as Evidence
Devil says “Of Course” he believes in
Scalia, citing his vote on “Citizens United.” |
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Guns & Ammo Fires Editor After
Publishing Editorial Calling for Gun
Control
Angry ex-editor goes out and buys a gun. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Report: Billionaires Received Millions
in Farm Subsidies
Proving money does grow on trees. |
|
Harley-Davidson Introduces Lighter,
Smaller Models
For little old ladies who want to join motorcycle gangs. |
|
 Burger King
Debuts Big Mac Clone Big King
McDonald's debuts Big Team of lawyers. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Report: There Are 8.8 Billion Earth-like
Planets in the Milky Way
And nothing worth watching on TV on
any of them. |
|
Earth 7 Times More Vulnerable to Catastrophic
Meteor Impacts Than Previously Thought
So you can relax about global warming. |
| |
 Breakthrough:
Monkey Controls Virtual
Arms With Its Thoughts
Promises a time when monkeys perform delicate
operations from thousands of miles away. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Only 1% of Kids' Meals Healthy
Though kids' meals have a 99% satisfaction rating. |
|
FDA Proposes Severe Limits on
Artificial Trans Fats
After lobbyists for companies heavily
invested in artificial trans fats fail to
sufficiently wine and dine FDA officials. |
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