NEW PRODUCTS |
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An Electric Fork
That Can Keep You Trim!
Finally, an intelligent utensil whose built-in
sophisticated computer tells you to slow down
if you're shoveling too much fat into your gullet,
and if it senses you're going back for seconds
zap! a few thousand volts puts
an end to that notion. $19.95, at Shocking Solutions. |
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MISCELLANEOUS |
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Jan. 19 Gun Appreciation Day Planned
By NRA
Followed by Take Your Gun to Work Day,
Adopt A Gun Day. |
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SPORTS |
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MLB
Switching to Wireless Bullpen Phones
There will be a twelve-year breaking-in period for
managers to get familiar with the technology. |
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Nobody Elected to Baseball
Hall of Fame
I didn't expect it, says Jerry Nobody,
who never batted above .243, but tested negative
for steroids. |
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FEATURE |
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What do cockroaches, lice, colonoscopies,
traffic jams and root canals have in common? |
A ) | They're horrible
things we hope to avoid. |
B ) | They're disgusting,
yucky, miserable and painful. |
C ) | They're things
that appear in our nightmares. |
D ) | They're more
popular than Congress in a recent poll of 830 people. |
Hint: go ask 830 people. |
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ENVIRONMENT |
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2012 Hottest Year on Record by Far
So hot you could fry an egg, two slices of bacon
and your choice of hash browns or home fries
on the sidewalk. |
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ODDS 'N' ENDS |
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Ohio Family
Complains of Flammable Tap Water
But pay their gas and water bills with one check. |
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