Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 14 - 20, 2012
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PEOPLE
Germany's Merkel Won't Change Mind on Austerity Measures
Says she just signed a three-year lease on a Volkswagen.
After Criticism, Michelle Bachmann Renounces Swiss Citizenship
Which she got last week for the health care.
 
BUSINESS
Record Earnings for the Fortune 500
And the fortunate five hundred CEOs who run them.
Latest Bank Scandal Bringing
More Calls for Regulation

Or at least a congressional panel ten people will watch on C-SPAN.
Oops: JPMorgan Chase Admits Trading Risky Derivatives Again, With Huge Losses
But promises, “I swear, baby, I'll never do it again.”
SCIENCE
Study: People Told They Were
Drinking $90 Wine Enjoyed
It More Than Same Wine
They Were Told Was $10

Until they were told to pay for it.
New Theory: Dinosaurs Wiped
Out by Own Flatulence

The embarrassment alone would have been enough.
 
Baboons Learn to Distinguish Words Like Vast and Done From Non-Words Like Telk and Virt
Telk that in your virt and smoke it.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: For Each Hour of Sleep Less Than You Should Be Getting, You’re One Third More Likely to be Fat
One more reason not to get up early to exercise.
Study: Hands-Free Faucets Have More Bacteria
Public urged not to wash hands until further notice.

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