Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APR 30 - MAY 6, 2012
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NEW PRODUCTS
Finally, a Bra With an iPod Holder!
You asked, and the American entrepreneurial spirit answered, pairing music and underwear in a match made in make out heaven. Switch from Jay Z to Weird Al to Ravel's “Bolero” while you try to undo those infernal hooks. Bra (w/out iPod), $29 at Museum of Bad Ideas gift shop.
 
TECHNOLOGY
New Zealand Researchers Claim Sex Robots Will Be Future of Sex Trade
“Commuters will be able to have sex in the back seat with their sex robots while their robot cars drive them to and from work.”
 
SPORTS
NFL Draft, NBA Playoffs, NHL Playoffs Converge
Beer briefly passes gold on commodities market.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders
elite adj. distinguished or well-positioned, used pejoratively to describe a political opponent as arrogant or out of touch.
FEATURE
What is this?
A )The Royal Family’s mansions in the United States.
B )The most expensive resorts in America.
C )Homes of hardworking Republican families.
D )The homes where Ann Romney raised her children all by herself.
E )The homes where Ann Romney raised her children with j-u-u-ust a little bit of help from her full time staff of five housekeepers.
Hint: The Royal family doesn’t own any property in the U.S.
 
RELIGION
President of Southern Baptist Ethics Commission Faces Charges That He Plagiarized Racist Comments on His Radio Show
Church wants original racist remarks from its leaders.

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