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BEST
CARS OF 2011 |
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Toyota Rollover |
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high center of gravity makes this
the most exciting mid-sized SUV in its class. |
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Toyota Apology |
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high-mileage sedan has a guarantee
that the CEO will personally come to your house to apologize for the many anticipated defects. But
really, it’s not the computer stuff, it’s the floor mats/gas pedal thing. |
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Chevy Conflagration |
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brakes are a little spongy on this
one, but it’s goes from 0 to 60 in a nanosecond. Too bad about those brakes. |
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Ferrari Berlusconi |
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looks a little cramped from the
outside, but fits up to six prostitutes comfortably in the roomy back seat. You’ll say
bunga-bunga! |
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Peugeot Attitude |
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a little snug inside, since it
was made to navigate streets designed for small donkeys in the 12th century, and god help
you if you need to order a spare part. But it has that je ne sais quoi that’s so hard to explain,
only the French have a word for it. |
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Ford Yuppie |
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fits the entire soccer team in the
back. Too bad you can’t really see smaller cars from the driver’s seat, but they should get out
of your way. |
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BMW Repossession |
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quite a bargain considering
what it originally sold for, but you still can’t afford it. Never mind, put down as little as you
can (who knows, maybe they’ll take a bad check) and enjoy it while you can. |
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The Infiniti Viagra |
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this snappy sports car is sleek
and fast, everything you haven’t been in about 40 years. But that trophy wife you’re after doesn’t
care, she’s only after your money, and this car announces: you’ve got it. |
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Cadillac Dominion |
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great suspension on this baby,
which you’re gonna need for your fat ass, you’re wife’s fat ass, and all your family and friends’
fat asses. |
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Lexus Alimony |
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Yes, it's pricey, but your last car
was getting old. |
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Freeway Pileup
in Japan Totals 8 Ferraris, 1 Lamborghini and 2
Mercedes