Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 5 - 11, 2011
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NEW PRODUCTS
Toaster Produces Image of Jesus on Every Slice!
If you love toast and you love Jesus then you'll love this toaster, which produces great toast and big crowds, sometimes in the thousands, every time you sit down to breakfast. $49, from Skeptics Society.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Bureau of Public Debt Still Collecting Donations to Pay Down Debt from Public-Spirited Citizens
And there's one born every minute.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
New Website Rents Toys by the Month
Parents can now rent an adorably cuddly teddy bear and, thirty days later, tear it away from their child so they're not charged extra.
 
SPORTS
NBA Announces Shortened Season
Will make up lost revenue by selling tickets for each half, and again if you decide to stay for overtime.
FEATURE
The FAA will shortly issue rules for domestic use of drone aircraft. That drone outside your bedroom window now is most likely :
A )Operated by a drug cartel checking you out for possible home invasion or kidnapping.
B )Operated by local police who got a hot tip on some drug dealers, unfortunately with the wrong address, which happens to be yours.
C )Operated by your neighbor’s kid, just trying to have a little fun.
Hint: just keep your shades drawn. You have lamps; natural light is overrated.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
New York City Posts
New Pedestrian
Warning Signs
in Haiku

One reads:
Hey you with the hat
Want to walk across the street
Fuhgeddaboudit

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