| CONSUMER NEWS |
 |
 Warning
Issued for Newest 3-D TVs
Some purchasers complain of being
robbed at gunpoint by characters
on crime shows. |
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| LAW |
 |
Hidden Kafka Papers Revealed
In Israeli Court
After unbelievably drawn-out process. |
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| SPORTS |
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March Madness Begins
Once schools that don't pay their players
are eliminated, tournament gets
interesting. |
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NFL Owners: Strike Hurts Us,
Not Players
Players have their college degrees,
guaranteeing them a good, high-paying job
in their field of study. |
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| ART |
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Michelangelo's
“David” Could
Be Endangered by Subway
Drilling
May require a jock. |
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|
 |
Which of the following
bills has NOT been
proposed by Republican
lawmakers? |
| A ) | a bill to
declare global warming
“beneficial to the
welfare and business
climate of Montana.” |
| B ) | a bill to
abolish drivers licenses
in Georgia because
licensing violates the
“inalienable”
right to drive. |
| C ) | a bill to
create a “sanctuary
state” for coal,
safe from environmental
laws. |
| D ) | a bill
requiring every South
Dakotan to buy a gun. |
| E ) | a bill
requiring Arizona police
to verify citizenship of
aliens from planets
“other than
earth.” |
| Hint:
it’s a free country,
you can’t require
anybody to buy anything,
right? |
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| RELIGION |
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New Research Suggests God
Had a Wife
And a mother-in-law. |
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