| ART |
 |
 Hundreds
of Unseen Picassos Discovered in
Closet
Thousands of unseen Picassos
discovered in museums. |
|
| |
| POLITICS |
|
GOP Senators Pledge to Block
All Democratic Bills
Result of election mandate to do nothing
at all to help economy ever. |
| |
| SPORTS |
| |
Russia, Qatar's Superior
Bribes Earn Them 2018, 2022 World Cups
FIFA officials say they received
substantially less from U.S., England. |
|
| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
Camel’s New Decorative Packs
Honor Las Vegas, Seattle, Austin,
San Francisco
All cities with good hospitals. |
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Passengers Soon to be Allowed
Guns on Amtrak
On fears Jesse James and his
gang may return. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 LAPD
Issuing $191 Tickets to
Jaywalkers
Despite Los Angeles having
zero pedestrians. |
|
|
| GOP 2012
PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS |
| |
|
Name |
Position |
Pros |
Cons |
| |
 |
Sarah
Palin |
Ex-Governor,
Alaska |
Celebrity,
avid fans |
Widely seen
as unqualified |
| |
 |
Mitt
Romney |
Ex-Governor,
Massachusetts |
Experience,
competence |
Romneycare,
abortion flip-flops |
| |
 |
Tim
Pawlenty |
Ex-Governor,
Minnesota |
Fiscal
conservative |
No charisma |
| |
 |
Satan |
Governor,
Hell |
Great name
recognition |
Source of
all evil |
|
|
|
|
