| PEOPLE |
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North Korea Joins Facebook
Already Kim Jong il has 24,141,628 friends. |
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| MEDIA |
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Study: Viewers of Four Major
Networks Older Than Previously Thought
Metamucil ads replaced by Forest Lawn. |
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| BOOKS |
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OED Now Includes
“Vuvuzela”
Also “vuvuzelaphobia” and
“vuvuzelacide.” |
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| BUSINESS |
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Income Gap Widens as Rich Get
Richer
Poor get children. |
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 Game
Companies Finding New Markets for
Discontinued Models
Shown: gorillas take turns
playing with their new Game Boy. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Scottish Scientist Says
Byproduct of Whiskey Distilling 30% More
Powerful Than Ethanol
Also says he can lick any other scientist
in the room. |
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Hearing Loss in Teens Spikes
Mysteriously
Nothing mysterious about it, say parents. |
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 Scientists
Baffled by Crop Circle
Resembling Jesus
Forces them to question
their basic assumptions
about space, time,
religion. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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5-Minute Test Predicts
Suicide Risk
Almost as good as 5-second test which
asks, “Do you want to kill
yourself?” |
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| HIGH TECH |
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Malware Winning Battle
Against
Antivirus Software
As predicted in Revelations. |
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