| ENTERTAINMENT |
 |
 Jon
to Date Octomom on New Reality
Show
“Nadir” debuts next
month. |
|
|
Cops Nab Teens Who Stole From
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton
Lohan, Hilton agree to portray teens in
movie based on caper. |
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Big City Newspapers'
Circulation Down 25% in Last 6 Months
According to reliable blogs. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Walmart Begins Selling
Caskets, Urns
Walmart employees without health benefits
begin buying them. |
|
U.S. Airways, American
Cut 1,700 Jobs
Add jobs in Fare Obfuscation,
Passenger Discomfort
Maximization. |
|
 Economic
Data Suggests Recession Over
But many consumers (right) still
saving rubber bands. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Geneticists: 30% of Humans
May Possess “Bad Driving” Gene
DNA test to replace driving test. |
|
Endangered Ocean Coral to Be
Cryogenically Preserved
For some future rich guy's aquarium. |
| |
 German
Cloning Experiment Goes
Haywire Number
of Chancellor Merkel
clones doubles every ten
days. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
WHO: Sex, Alcohol, Fat
World’s Biggest Killers
World agrees to cut back on alcohol, fat. |
|
Plastic Surgeons’ Study:
Daughters Age Like Their Mothers
If your mom had an expensive chin tuck,
so will you. |
|
Report: Workplace Stress
Declines After Age 55
According to survey of female staffers on
Letterman show. |
|
