PEOPLE |
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Limbaugh Says He'd Rather
Vote for Democrat Than McCain
Dittoheads scratching their heads. |
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Canadian Man Claims He's
JFK's Illegitimate Son
If tests prove him correct, he'll endorse
Obama. |
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ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Tolkien Estate Sues Hollywood
Studio Which Has Yet to Share
Any of $6 Billion Profit From
Lord of the Rings
Per contract, case will be heard in Mordor. |
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BUSINESS |
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Consumer Sentiment Falls
Melancholy sets in. |
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Oprah
Store Opens in Chicago
Shoppers who never miss her show,
subscribe to her magazine, read
every book she recommends and
plan to watch her TV network
should like it. |
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HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Breathing Dirty Air
May Lower Kids IQ
Scientists advise kids to stay indoors,
watch TV, play video games. |
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Blue Cross Asks Doctors to
Help Them Cancel Coverage for Some
Patients
Just the sick ones. |
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Scientist
Predicts Humanoid Sex
Partners
Build a better sex
partner and the world
will beat a path to your
door. |
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SCIENCE |
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Astronomers Find Solar System
Much Like Ours
Planets even have similar names. |
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Report: Gun Always on Board
Space Station
In case of robbery. |
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CORRECTION |
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We
mistakenly referred recently to
voting members of the
politburo. The reference
should have been to the
Superdelegates. We
apologize for any confusion
caused by our mistake. |
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